so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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