I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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