We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
