I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Found your dick twin last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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