Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
