I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
