Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
