go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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