we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
