I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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