Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
