Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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