YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
