that's an acceptable place to lick
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
