I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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