so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
