so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
