i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love you. Go after that dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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