Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
