So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
