It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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