she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
