omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
