Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
