Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
