I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
