Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
