Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
