I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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