I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
