i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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