Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
