I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
