Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
