so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
