that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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