Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Terrible idea I love it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
