One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
