I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i think my cat just said my name.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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