wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
