Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
