Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
