i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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