Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
