i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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