Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
