she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
