dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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