it was like his penis was on wheels.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
