I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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