ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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