She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
