Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
