Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
