oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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