I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
