wakey wakey hands off snakey
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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