I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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