But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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