Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
